So I sit here getting my days work done and am told I am ‘drifting away again.’  Now what?  How does one respond to that?  And, most importantly, why is it happening again?  Hmmm.  I am at a loss and feel I need to reply, but just don’t have the words to give.  Now what I ask, now what?

Well, I am finally at a stage where I am ready to sell my car.  It is not a must, but if we want to make an attempt to get ahead we really should.  Worst part is, I LOVE MY CAR!  It is an Acura TL and what I prayed for for months on end.  So, now that I have it, and have for just over 2 years, I am going to give it up.  Like you really care? 

 

Well, whether or not you do, it is a bittersweet moment for me, but another step towards my awakening, which is why it is so worth it.  I have listened to Eckhart Tolle’s audio book, “A New Earth:  Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” and am a true believer.  I must admit I haven’t listened in a couple weeks and am in need of it again; there for awhile Eckhart’s voice started and ended my work day for weeks on end. 

 

Any ways, there is a section in this book that talks about being egoic and how to change that mind-set.  One way in which most of us have this egoic identity is with our cars, and I unfortunately am identified with mine, I was in denial for quite a bit of time, but am learning it is a truth.  I am working to change that and put that part of my ego to rest — forever, if possible. 

 

I will take as many little steps as necessary to quiet the ego in me and continue to move forward towards awakening my conscience, to be in the present.  It is not something you can “plan” or set a “goal” to achieve, but instead must always try to remain in the present moment and accept things for what they are, calm, alert, in the now.

 

I have to say, this book is so amazing to me and I feel truly enlightened.  I feel it is helping open so many doors and windows in my mind and soul and heart and I feel forever changed, if only a little.  I believe that Eckhart’s words came directly from our Father in Heaven.  And, I believe these words had to wait until all the right doors were opened and in alignment, for when Eckhart was ready to put them on paper and we His people ready to receive them.  Oprah helped with that, in a big way.  Actually, if it weren’t for her, I probably never would have learned about this book.  For that I say, “Thank you Oprah!”

 

So now, in an effort to quiet another part of the ego in me, I must part with something I am completely identified with so that I will be free of that untruth.  So that I will be able to whittle away that ego in me a little bit more and be what our Lord intended us to be – free, present, awake.

 

There are so many truths in this book, I cannot even begin to translate it, heck, Eckhart did that already.  It is something each of us needs to read and/or listen to.  It is not a replacement for the Bible nor meant to be any religious statement, it is merely one person’s gush of words helping us to better understand what was written in the Bible and what our Father was trying to tell us all along.  I believe it is a must read and will change the way you feel spiritually, bring you closer to God and help us to better understand His words.  Go get this book and find your life’s purpose.

 

Like you really care?  I should say so!

I’m getting tired of trying to figure out how to link my other websites to this one.  Geesh!  You’d think someone would have created some sort of tool (fee free is always best for me) that would either show you how or just do it for you.  I think I might be the laziest person on the earth right now, but damn, I’m tired of tyring to figure this sh@# out.  My head is hurting, my eyes are twitching, and I’m becoming extremely frustrated.  What gives?  I must know, is there something out there, [which I'd imagine there is], that can just simply [you know in lamens terms] say this is what you need to do (step by step), and if you don’t have this in place (and show you step by step) then you need to do this (again, showing you step by step).  Would it be that hard? 

Maybe it is only me, I don’t know, but I’ve just about had it. 

You got any suggestions?

I am a person who loves coffee, but my rules with it are very strict, no flavors, let me say that again, NO FLAVORS, not starbucks, no sugar, clean pot, no left-overs [from the day before] — EVER!  I’m a self-professed [and picky], coffee snob.  HOWEVER, there are times when I want to add a smidge of hot chocolate or didn’t give myself time to make coffee before work and the only place to get a coffee with ease is starbucks. 

This begs the question, am I a hypocrite?  Or, am I a woman who has given herself permission to change her mind?  (I like the sound of the latter of the two.) 

The next question to ask is, does it really matter?  Oh well, I’ll sit her and allow my craving to be satisfied.  Tomorrow will be a new day and I’ll go back to black coffee with a little plain cream and love every drop.  =o]

Well, I never thought I’d get into this kind of thing, blogging, but here I am doing just that… Who knew?  Certainly not me.

Now that I’m here writing away, just what shall I say?  Well, I have so many things that I can ramble on and on about, but we’ll start simply, with a little something about me. 

I’m a young woman in her 40’s, which are the new 20’s if you didn’t already know.  Any ways, I am quite happy with the way my life is.  There are a lot of exciting things happening with my family and me right now, even in the midst of some very bad things.  It’s quite amazing how life’s path can change in an instant and where it brings you is so far from where you were that you’re in disbelief.  Well, that’s me.  That’s where I am.  That’s how I feel.  Enough of that. 

Moving on… I come from a family of all girls, 7 of us to be exact, all different and extremely unique.  We are very strong willed and independent.  Unfortunately, we are not very close.  One has bowed out of all our lives completely – oh well.  Can’t force yourself on someone who doesn’t want you there.  Right?  That’s what I think too. 

Again, moving on… Our Mom has been troubled most of her life, well up until she met the most wonderful man, for her.  He changed her.  She is a completely different person today than she was when she was raising us.  I know, that seems like a DUH thing to say, considering we’re all grown up and she has been able to move on too.  But, truly, she is a changed woman.  She had a very painful childhood and is still hurting from those experiences; we felt her pain in our childhoods too and that has caused most of us to keep her in the very outer circle of our lives, an unfortunate and vicious cycle if you ask me.  But, she has grown, become gracious and loving and open to us letting her back in, to love her.  She has forgiven herself for her mistakes and us for our unwillingness to let her in.  But, I believe it will happen, maybe slowly over time, but it will.  They will see, as I have, that she is better and open and forgiving. 

But, that lesson came at a huge price, she lost her most wonderful man, Ed.  He was a blessing to us all, he changed even me.  No, I didn’t spend a great deal of time with them during their life together, but when I did, I felt it big.  He made a big impact on me and I am so thankful for him for that.  He showed us true grace, how to be gracious, even in the face of death, and kindness and love and joy and tenderness.  He was an amazing man and I am truly thankful to have had the pleasure of knowing him and receiving his love.  Miss you terribly Ed!

This is much harder to do than I anticipated.  And, there is so much more to write.  But, it is late and my children are waiting for me to tuck them in; I have not put them first since they were very young and so my priorities must change.  And, my husband is next in line after them. 

That said, I’m off.   But, don’t you worry, I’ll be back.  This story shall continue…